I woke up on Tuesday morning, and before my feet hit the floor, I remembered something I had dreamed. It was heartsick. After getting my coffee, I sat down at my desk and opened my Bible. Staring back at me was Song of Solomon. I used to skip Song of Solomon, but Charles Spurgeon’s writing changed my ways. Still, as I read, I could not look at it from the perspective Spurgeon had given me. My thoughts could not be kept on anything other than human love. In the forefront of my mind was my dream. A man I have not seen or communicated with in over twenty years, an old friend whom I had cared for, had sought me out and come to see me.
It was just a dream, as always. In reality, I have never been sought out by a Christian man. Yet, as my dream caused me to reflect on the past, I remembered that this man had paid attention to me. When I look back, I tend to only see my own stupidity in allowing myself to become infatuated. But, on this occasion I realized that, whatever part my own fickleness may have played, he did and said things which gave me reason to think he was interested in me. Of course, we were young, and didn’t understand the limitations of male-female friendships.
I hate the way dreams stir up my emotions. Even when the details are unrealistic, the emotions are so clearly felt that they haunt me after I wake up. Monday night’s dream hung over me like a cloud for twenty-four hours. Wednesday morning, when I sat down with my coffee, I opened Spurgeon’s Morning and Evening devotion, and my mind and heart were set right. I was reminded of the truth. The heartbreak and the loneliness are for God’s glory, and it isn’t for me to try to understand it all. Once my perspective was set straight, I regained my clarity about the past. The man I had dreamed about was not a good match for me. We were too much alike, and two melancholy, introspective people are unlikely to have a healthy relationship.
Be not rash with your mouth, nor let your heart be hasty to utter a word before God, for God is in heaven and you are on earth. Therefore let your words be few. For a dream comes with much business and a fool’s voice with many words.Ecclesiastes 5:2-3
I am sure that a psychologist could tell me exactly why my subconscious conjured up someone I haven’t thought about in a long time. I know it has to do with longings in my heart that I can’t seem to conquer. But whatever the root of my dreams, it is all foolishness. It angers me that these products of my subconscious imagination should unsettle me so much. I see that, on some level, it is all part of my struggle to accept my life as it is. Wanting more is a destructive evil, but contentment brings peace and joy. Lord, teach me!
There is so much foolishness in my heart and mind, and I need to stop my constant analysis. I am always looking for answers, but I need to be happy knowing that God is in control and He has the answers. He knows the beginning from the end. The relationships that I thought were such an important part of my life when I was younger, have turned out to be mere blips on the radar of my past. Things get smaller as you get further away from them. Most of the time, it seems that my life has always been as it is now. It has been so long since I have known any eligible men, that I am in danger of forgetting how stupid and fickle the human heart is. Perhaps God allows these silly dreams to remind me that I am a fool who needs to trust and rely on Him.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart,Proverbs 3:5-8
and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.
Be not wise in your own eyes;
fear the LORD, and turn away from evil.
It will be healing for your flesh
and refreshment to your bones.
I think I finally understand Ecclesiastes 5:3. It never seemed to fit with the tone of verse two. What does it mean, “a dream comes with much business?” Later, in verse seven, we are told, “For when dreams increase and words grow many, there is vanity; but God is the one you must fear.” I think I see, now, that dreams can give us all kinds of ideas, but we must understand that they are not a source of wisdom. Just as our mouths can lead us into sin, so can our dreams, if we regard them as anything more than the product of our foolish and sinful minds.
My dreams have a particular tendency to make me discontent, but whatever it is that my sinful heart thinks it needs, it is futile. I should not “be hasty” to bring these matters before God, who knows what is best for me. Solomon defined wisdom as fearing God. The wise trust God, and do not lean on their own understanding. Dreams are like weeds that I need to pluck out from my heart. I suppose this is another reason why it is important to read Scripture first thing in the morning.
I think of you and Sara often. I get some of those realistic dreams and they can be unsettling. Pray help evaluate the impact.
So well written, Leah, and full of emotion. “Dreams are like weeds” is a powerful statement, and I’m wrestling with it. Well done.